Lessons I'm Trying to Learn
Sometimes in life we have the privilege of learning deep life altering lessons that change our lives forever. Most of the time though, we learn very similar lessons and then forget them immediately and continue to make the same mistakes. Why is it so hard for certain things to stick? Here’s a list of ten lessons, some deep, some not so deep, that I just can’t quite seem to learn.
I am a writer.
You’re supposed to tell people that. You’re not supposed to say I’m trying to be a writer or hopefully someday I’ll be a writer. I’ve been taught this in every creative class I’ve ever taken. I’ve also been told that men with even less credentials than me will be able to call themselves a writer with ease. But it just feels hard in practice. And to be honest, sometimes I’m just not quite sure it’s actually true. Hopefully I’ll learn this one once I actually start making some money, but who knows?
If I’m hungry, It’s okay to eat.
Yeah, this one seems obvious because it is. And yet intuitive eating has to have a whole philosophy because so many people struggle with this same lesson. I, like most people I think, don’t always have the healthiest relationship with food. I often think of food as something that’s more enjoyable when it's been ‘earned’. So, if I know I have a big meal coming up in an hour or two, I may resist the urge to eat a snack or a slice of toast even when I know I’m hungry. I worry about when it’s the right time to eat, or waiting until I can eat something I’ll really enjoy. Every now and then though, I will have the slice of toast or the cheese and crackers, and every time I’m blown away by the fact that it doesn’t ruin the big dinner. And I promise myself that this time I’m going to learn my lesson, and I never do.
Not every friend has to be a close one.
I think we could all benefit from this one. When we’re young, we’re often told that it’s better to have a few close friends than many fake ones. But it’s worth remembering that those aren’t the only two options. You can have a few really close friends that you can count on for anything, and still have a lot of friends that you only see from time to time. I don’t have to have a deep connection with everyone I know. It’s fine to have a friend that you only see a few times a year for a cup of coffee, or a friend that’s just a friend to go clubbing with. It doesn’t mean that you’re using people or that these friendships are fake. This is a lesson I have learned for the most part but I still struggle with it. I catch myself putting too much pressure on certain friends or having too high expectations. I want to learn that not all of my friends have to be people I’m willing to contact for anything. And that it’s okay for friendships that were once close ones to become less close over time, it doesn’t mean they’re over.
I have to do things that scare me
I have this conversation with myself at least once a day. I know it on the deepest level. To live the life I want, I have to be able to put myself out there, and to do things that terrify me. And it’s not something that I’m incapable of. I’ve been able to take big risks and do things I’m terrified of, like applying for my masters and changing my whole life. And anytime I have I’ve felt the impact and reaped big rewards. The problem is doing this consistently. It’s hard to take risks and even when it comes down to my biggest dreams, if it’s scary like that there will always be some part of me that doesn’t want to do it. So sometimes I can do the big scary thing and sometimes I can’t. All I can hope for is that when it’s really important, I’m able to take the risk more often than not.
I’m not on anyone else’s timeline.
This is the biggie for me. I cannot continue to compare my life to other people’s. I know this. I just can’t make myself know it when it matters. I once saw an inspirational Instagram quote that said something like; ‘You can’t be behind in life because it’s not a race.’ and though I’m embarrassed to admit it, that really resonated with me. I guess one in a million of those quotes actually are inspirational. I constantly feel like I’m behind in life, watching friends and peers reach big career goals, move abroad, fall in love, while I feel very stagnant and like I’m pretty much in the same place I was when I graduated college three years ago. I have to keep reminding myself that just because other people are reaching certain milestones before me, it doesn’t mean I won’t reach them at all. And yes, I may not be where I thought I’d be by now or where I want to be, but comparing myself to where other people are is very unhelpful. Especially when they’ve lived a completely different life than I have and are probably aiming for different things.
My day is so much better when I get up earlier.
Okay so I actually have learned this one, I know it well. When I give myself plenty of time in the morning it sets me up properly for the rest of the day. The problem is that the me that has just woken up doesn’t care about the quality of her day, she just wants to stay in bed. The me that goes to bed has it all planned, I want to get up an hour before I have to leave so that I have time to get ready and eat breakfast, and I set another alarm for an hour before that so that I have time to wake up slowly. But it all goes out the window once I actually open my eyes. In that moment, I don’t care if I look nice, or eat breakfast. I will stay in bed until the last possible moment. I guess I should be thankful that I always at least give myself time to brush my teeth and hair. And on days off it’s so much nicer to get up earlier, there’s so many more hours in the day when you’re actually awake to see them. But if my alarm goes off early and I don’t actually have anywhere to be, there’s no way I’m finding the motivation to get up. Early morning me is a lost cause, but I’m hoping someday she’ll be able to learn the same lesson I have.
I have to make plans if I want to have plans.
I really should’ve learned this one by now. I like to be busy. And in fairness to myself I actually am good at making plans for the most part. My problem is that I often just wait until things come up organically, like a certain film is in the cinema or a friend and I both want to go to the same restaurant, or I haven’t seen someone in a while so I’ll reach out. What I’m not so good at is looking at my calendar and noticing that there’s three days in a row where I don’t have much on and taking action to do something about it. So then I end up alone for three days and spiralling about how my life is so boring, when really I just scheduled nine things for the following week. It’s been like this since I was around fifteen and I fear at this rate I’ll never learn.
I don’t like matcha.
I don’t know why this one is so hard for me. It just always looks so nice. Every time I see it on the menu I think that whatever variation I try this time will be the one that hooks me. But I just don’t like it. I have had good matcha before, and it doesn’t repulse me, but I still don’t really enjoy it. It’s probably a waste of between five and eight euro to just think ‘fine.’ but I’ll do it every time. I think the issue is I really like the idea of myself being a matcha drinker. I want to carry around a colourful drink that’s healing my soul or whatever. But it’s just not for me.
People can change, but they mostly don’t want to.
I truly believe that people can change. Aren’t we all changing all the time? Unfortunately though, the parts of us that we want to change, our bad habits and harmful patterns, are pretty hard to break. I know that there are things that I need to work on in myself that I choose not to because I’m scared (callback) or it seems too hard. When it comes to other people in my life though, I’m often waiting for them to change. I find myself waiting for grand apologies that aren’t coming. Or longing to have honest and frank conversations with people that are never going to be open to that. People don’t want to do the hard work of self improvement, just like I don’t. So while they may be capable of changing eventually, they’re probably not going to do it anytime soon. And I’ve learned this lesson before, I just keep forgetting.
It’s probably going to rain.
I’m not usually an optimist, but when it comes to the weather I always seem to be expecting the best. I don’t own any coats with hoods, I live in Ireland. I’m not sure why I can’t seem to grasp that it rains here pretty constantly and has done for the almost twenty five years I’ve been alive but I seem to be surprised every time it happens. I can’t count the amount of umbrellas I’ve had to steal from work, or buy last minute at an extortionate price because I’ve been completely unprepared for this very common occurrence. Every time I get drenched I resolve to go out and buy a raincoat and then promptly forget until the next downpour.